


Close But No Cigar

by pancake_surprise



Series: Cool Dads Club [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Babies, Birthday, Canon Compliant, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, First Words, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Married Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Parenthood, Slice of Life, competitive parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25872385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancake_surprise/pseuds/pancake_surprise
Summary: Iwa and Oikawa being their competitive parenting selves throwing their daughter's first birthday party and trying to rig her first words.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Cool Dads Club [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877437
Comments: 18
Kudos: 265
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	Close But No Cigar

Birthday parties aren’t really Imaizumi's area of expertise. Growing up, birthdays mostly were celebrated with his family and, neighbor and best friend, Oikawa Tooru. In the interim, not much has changed. He celebrated his 31st birthday last year much the same, except now Oikawa is a little bit more than his next-door neighbor.

Was he a naive fool for thinking that’s how Emiko’s first birthday would play out? Simple, homey, and quaint? Probably. Oikawa isn't exactly known forever planning anything simple, homey, or quaint. And if he's honest with himself, that's exactly how Iwaizumi likes it. However, when it comes down to it, Iwaizumi doesn’t know what he expected, but 96 balloons in assorted colors covering every surface of their home was definitely not it. 

“Do we really need this many balloons?” Iwaizumi gestures vaguely in the direction of their living room, or rather, the sea of multi-colored balloons. 

Oikawa wrinkles his nose. “What kind of question is that, Iwa-Chan?”

Iwaizumi sighs and resigns himself to wading through the balloon sea for the foreseeable future. Leave it to Oikawa to plan a first birthday party grander than their wedding and every subsequent celebration combined.

“If you’re going to,” _puff “_ just stand there,” _puff_ “scowling,” _puff_ “at the balloons,” _puff_ “I’ve worked tirelessly to inflate,” _puff_ “then you might as well make yourself useful. Emiko should wake,” _puff “_ up soon. Her birthday outfit is next to the crib,” Oikawa ties off a blue balloon and throws it into the mix. He picks a green one from the bag and starts the process all over again. Oikawa puffs his chest out in a massive inhale just as Iwaizumi smacks the latex balloon out of his hand. 

“You’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t stop,” he says plainly.

Oikawa pouts. “But I’m almost to 100 balloons! I can’t just stop now!” 

Iwaizumi scrubs a hand over his face. Reasoning with Oikawa is futile but he trudges ahead anyway. “When you pass out 10 minutes into the party, what the hell am I supposed to tell everyone? Sorry guys Oikawa died from blowing up this goddamn sea of balloons, may he rest in peace." 

“Iwa-Chan, I’m the dramatic one in this relationship. Leave the melodrama to me.” 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “Sure, okay. I’m going to go get Emiko ready.”

“You’re the best, Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa yells after him, sickly sweet. 

“I’m going to smother you with one of those balloons,” says Iwaizumi. 

“Can’t wait!” Oikawa says, swiping the aforementioned balloon from his resting place on the floor.

*

Emiko is awake when Iwaizumi pushes open the nursery door. She’s got one hand curled around a monkey plush and the other gripping one of the crib rails, making it look a bit like she’s in a tiny baby prison. 

She smiles when she sees him, dropping the plush in favor of reaching toward him with grabby hands. 

“Why hello to you too. Have a good nap?” 

Iwaizumi has always talked to kids like they're tiny adults and not babies in diapers. Even when their nephew, Takeru, was a baby, and long before he was technically Iwaizumi's nephew, he talked to him just the same. 

She babbles incoherently as he gently lifts her from the crib. 

“Ready for your big day?” Iwaizumi smiles.

More babble.

“No first words yet, huh?” All the parenting books say that a baby's first words can happen anywhere between 12 and 18 months. In other words, any day now. It's a daily source of tension in the Iwaizumi-Oikawa household; who will win this particular battle?

She grabs ahold of either side of his face and squishes his cheeks with her chubby baby hands. Iwaizumi laughs and sets her on the floor, swiping the clothes from the changing table on the way down.

“Come on,” Iwaizumi says. “It’s super easy, I promise. Da-da.” 

Babble. 

“Ah, close but no cigar,” he says and pokes her belly sending her into a fit of giggles. “Now, if I was your Papa, I would probably be trying to convince you to say Pa-pa before Da-da.” Iwaizumi unbuttons the onesie she wore for her nap and gently starts to tug it over her head. “You probably already know this but in case you haven’t picked up on it, your Papa is nothing if not competitive.” With practiced ease, he makes quick work of a diaper change then tosses the dirty diaper into the trashcan behind him. “And your Papa would like very much to have the bragging rights to your first words.” 

A fresh onesie goes on next; it’s white with pastel green flowers adorning it. “So, I think we should make a deal.” He slips one leg into the pastel green dungarees Oikawa bought just for this occasion and then her other leg. “I might think he’s a little bit crazy to do all this, but your papa went through a great deal of trouble to make sure this is the biggest birthday party of the century. And while I'd like nothing more than to win this competition and earn your first word,” Iwaizumi clicks the buckles into place and grabs her socks next.

“To show him how much we appreciate his theatrics, maybe you can pull off the greatest thank you of the century.” He grabs the tin they keep all her hair doodads in, clips and bows and teeny tiny little combs with soft bristles that won't scratch her fragile head. “It’s super easy.”

Emiko doesn’t have a ton of hair quite yet but it’s enough to pull into a little tuft on the top of her head. Gently, he uses the comb to wrangle it all into place. “All you have to do is say, papa. Preferably when he’s holding you but honestly anytime will do.” Iwaizumi selects a coordinating bow and secures the fluffy tuft of baby hair. “Like I said, super easy. What do you think?” 

Emiko babbles back as if they’re really having a conversation. 

“Uh-huh, uh-huh. totally see your point, but you know, you’re likely to say your first words any day now. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.” He pokes her tummy again sending her into a new wave of giggles.

“Let’s practice together. Ready?” He lifts her back into his arms and paces casually around the room, swaying just slightly. “Pa-pa,” he says, enunciating and drawing out the sounds slowly.

Babble. 

“Pa-pa.”

Emiko winds up her arms wide before bringing her palms down on Iwaizumi’s cheeks again, squishing them until his words come out all garbled.

“Pa-pa,” he tries but it comes out more like wa-wa.

Emiko’s face lights up as she laughs and she squishes his cheeks even harder. 

He sighs. “It was worth a shot,” he says in the same garbled voice. 

*

100 balloons litter their house when Oikawa finally decides that there are enough. Iwaizumi might not understand his vision but that’s totally fine. After all, he's more brawn than a party planner extraordinaire. 

“Yo Oikawa, this is actually cute,” Iwaizumi says as he makes his way down the stairs, Emiko on his hip. “I thought for sure whatever you birthday outfit you picked out was going to be covered in sequins and whatever other gaudy shit you could round up. I even had a backup outfit on standby."

Oikawa scoffs. “As if I would ever dress our daughter in something gaudy!”

“You own no less than five tee shirts with aliens on them. At least one is tie-dyed. Another is rhinestoned. You’re the definition of gaudy.” 

“Must you be so mean to me on this most important of days, the day of our daughter’s birth?” Oikawa can’t help that Iwaizumi doesn’t have a stylish bone in his body. He wades through the balloon sea and tickles Emiko. 

“Did you know your Dada is a meanie?” says Oikawa, slipping his hands under Emiko’s arms to take her from Iwaizumi. “The biggest meanie that ever was a meanie."

Iwaizumi snorts. 

“Since you obviously owe me an apology,” he smiles. “You can run to the store and grab some more birthday candles. I already bought five packs but what will we do if we lose them! We have to have a backup pack or Emiko’s entire birthday could be ruined,” Oikawa throws his free arm across his forehead and feigns fainting. "I'm far too worn out from blowing up all those balloons, to go to the store now in this state, it's just too big of a risk." 

The look on Iwa-chan’s face is one Oikawa is well acquainted with. A placid sort of resignation that means that Iwazumi will 100% do whatever it is Oikawa is asking just to avoid the whining that would surely follow otherwise. That's not to say Oikawa won't hear about it later but that's fine because right now all he needs is time.

Iwaizumi sighs. “Fine. Text me if you need anything else while I’m out. Do you want me to take Emiko so you can finish getting ready?”

“No, no, Iwa-chan. Emiko is perfectly fine. Be safe!” Oikawa says, one arm holding Emiko on his hip and the other pushing Iwaizumi toward the door. As soon as the door clicks shut behind Iwaizumi, Oikawa whips his around to Emiko still nestled against him. 

“Okay, Emi-chan. We have some work to do while Dada is gone.” With no floor space left between the balloons, Oikawa sets Emiko into her high chair, bending down slightly to stay at eye level. “Alright, we probably only have 20 minutes before Dada comes back and we’ve got to get this right.”

Emiko pokes Oikawa’s cheek and smiles. 

“We gotta focus! No being distractingly cute right now.” 

Emiko babbles in response. 

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Repeat after me Da-da.” 

The babbling continues. 

“Come on Emi-chan, don’t you want to make your Dada happy? We’d be nothing without him. I know it’ll mean the whole wide world to him if you say his name as your first word! 

More baby babble. 

“Da-da,” Oikawa tries again, slower this time. “Da-da.” 

“Okay, okay. I can see this is going nowhere. Clearly we need a new angle.” Oikawa goes to the cupboard and grabs a canister labeled _Honey Puffs: Puffed Rice Snacks for Babies and Toddlers._ As soon as the canister is within her sight, Emiko makes grabby hands, straining to reach as far as she can over the high chair. Oikawa shakes a few into his hand and hands them over. Is he above bribing his child to get what he wants? Nope. 

“Okay, Emi-chan. Normally Iwa-chan says you’re only allowed to have a few of these a time. Something about them not being real food or rotting your teeth or something. But I don’t see what the big deal is because we always feed you vegetables and you barely have any teeth yet anyway,” he says while Emiko shovels the star-shaped snacks into her mouth. 

“I’ll be happy to give you many more honey baby snacks, but you gotta do me one favor. Da-da.” 

“Daaaa-“

A grin spreads across Oikawa’s face. 

“Daaa-baa-zrrr.” 

“Well, I guess that was _something.”_ Oikawa hands over one honey puff snack. “I believe in you Emi-chan! But more importantly, the honey snacks believe in you! Come on, da-da.” This time she doesn’t even grace him with a response. Instead, she returns to poking him on the cheek. 

“Emi-“ 

Across the house, Oikawa hears the unmistakable sound of a key in the lock. He shoves the lid back on the snacks and scrambles to get them shoved back in the cupboard before Iwaizumi shambles into the kitchen and catches him the act.

*

The party is a hit, even if there are a few too many balloons to make walking between rooms easy. Soon they have a full house: both sets of their parents, Hanamaki and Matsukawa, Takeru, a few friends of Iwaizumi’s from work and their kids, a teammate or two from Oikawa’s team, even some of their former enemies from high school games turned friends later in life- Kuroo from Nekoma, Bokuto and Akaashi from Fukurodani, even Kageyama got an invite. Iwaizumi is pretty sure the latter due to some weird power move Oikawa is trying to pull using the cuteness of their daughter. He doesn't question it though, hoping on the off chance that it was a sign of some character development instead. A man can dream. 

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa skids to a halt in front of him. How he manages to not trip on any balloons, Iwaizumi will never know. Oikawa grabs a hold of his shoulders and shakes him. 

“Oy! What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“Mr. Refreshing and Dadchi just got here!” Oikawa whips a pointed finger in the direction of the door where, indeed, Daichi and Sugawara are removing their shoes. 

“Okay?” 

“Iwa-Chan! Don’t you see it? They’re beating us!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Do you even have eyes? Two, Iwa-Chan! Two! Mr. Refreshing and Dadchi had another kid when we weren't looking- we have to have two more ASAP!” 

Iwaizumi shoots him a withering look. “I’m not sure that trying to win a nonexistent competition is the best reason to have more kids.” 

Oikawa pouts. “I hate when you’re right. But I do want another,” he says, sparing a glance to where Emiko is crawling between Takeru and Hanamaki. “Just maybe not quite yet. Emi-chan hasn’t even said her first words yet.”

Iwaizumi's expression softens. “We don't need to rush anything, Shittykawa," he says but there is no real heat behind it. "We’ll look into it when we’re ready.” Oikawa smiles. A real smile that spreads across his whole face. None of the sickly sweet shit he pulled earlier. Oikawa’s happiness, when genuine, is infectious. Iwaizumi can’t help but grin in return.

“Oy! Lovebirds!” Across the room, Matsukawa waves both of his arms above his head shouting, “I don’t know about you guys but I’m like 99% sure it’s present time so you better get over here before Emi-chan opens them all without you!” 

In spite of Matsukawa's claim, it turns out babies aren’t that interested in presents. They're far more interested in what's _around_ the presents. After fifteen minutes of prodding, Emiko has managed to rip the bow off of exactly one present before completely losing interest in the whole endeavor. 

“Hey Iwaizumi,” Sugawara says, handing Iwaizumi a small bag stuffed with tissue paper. “When Mari was a baby she loved the tissue paper in gift bags. When she ran out of tissue paper to rip into tiny pieces, she eventually settled for ripping the paper off of packages,” he shrugs. “Maybe it’ll work for Emiko too.” 

“Oh sure, thanks Sugawara,” Iwaizumi says, taking the bag in hand.

“Emiko,” Iwaizumi calls from his spot amongst the balloon ocean. She wanders his way, eventually settling between his outstretched legs. He sets the present in front of her and to everyone’s delight, she sets to work ripping the tissue peeking out from the top of the bag. “Oh shit, thanks Sugawara,” says Iwaizumi.

Sugawara laughs. “Glad to be of assistance.” 

The party continues on even if Emiko never does manage to open all of her birthday present currently piled into a small mountain. Iwaizumi hates to admit it, but maybe it all was worth all of the months of planning that Oikawa put into the occasion. It’s great to see all of their friends and family and even better to share Emiko, their bubbly, beautiful daughter, with everyone. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa take turns giving her piggyback rides; Takeru poses for approximately a thousand selfies with her; Kageyama attempts to teach her the basic mechanics of volleyball despite Oikawa’s loud screeching. And after presents, Emiko takes part in the most sacred tradition of them all, smashing the birthday cake which is far more adorable than it has any right to be. When it’s all said and done, Iwaizumi says goodbye to the last of their guests while Oikawa works on getting the rest of the birthday cake frosting out of her hair upstairs. 

“Thanks again for coming,” he says, waving as Hanamaki and Matsukawa walk off into the evening sun. “Text me when you make it back,” he adds, shouting just as they round the corner. Hanamaki shoots him a peace sign and then they’re out of sight. 

Treading lightly, Iwaizumi heads upstairs. Downstairs is still destroyed, but that’s a problem for tomorrow. For now, he wants nothing more than to help Oikawa wrestle their overtired one-year-old (he’s still not ready to accept the fact that they’re fathers to a _one-year-old_ ) into her pajamas before crawling into his own bed with Oikawa. 

From the bathroom, Iwaizumi can hear Oikawa speaking softly to Emiko. He stops just outside the threshold; content just to listen for a moment. “Emi-chan,” Oikawa murmurs. “I thought we had a deal. Unlimited honey puff snacks for life in exchange for those two little syllables.” 

Iwaizumi smiles. Just like he thought. Except it’s not at all what he thought because then Oikawa says, “Today was supposed to be the day, come on Emiko, Da-da. Da-da.” Oikawa falls silent for a moment and then sighs. “It was worth a shot. I’m sure he’ll be just as happy to hear you say it tomorrow or the day after or even next week.” Iwaizumi is suddenly filled with so much love for his tiny family. For Emiko. For Oikawa. He steps into the bathroom, coming up behind Oikawa and wrapping his arms around his torso. 

“Oof,” says Oikawa. “How long were you standing there.” 

“Long enough,” Iwaizumi says, kissing Oikawa’s temple before settling his head on Oikawa’s shoulder. Emiko, finally free of frosting, is bundled up in a pink towel and cradled in Oikawa’s arms. Despite the long day, she’s somehow still awake and kicking, although slightly more subdued than a few hours earlier. They stand like for a few moments. Just reveling in each other and the tiny human that’s all theirs. “I tried that too,” Iwaizumi says.

“Hmm?” says Oikawa.

“Tried to get her to say Papa today. Thought it would make you happy.” 

Oikawa gasps. “Aww Iwa-chan! That’s so sweet! We’re the cutest couple ever.” 

Iwaizumi presses his face into Oikawa’s shoulder and grins. “I love you,” Iwaizumi mumbles. 

“Mmm, I love you, too,” says Oikawa. 

“I guess today just wasn’t the day for first words, huh,” Iwaizumi says. 

“No, I suppose not,” Oikawa pokes Emiko in the tummy sending her into a fit of giggles. “Isn’t that so, Emi-chan? If you want to change your mind there is still time. What do you say? Can you say dada? Come on, Da-da.” 

“Don’t listen to him,” Iwaizumi says, slapping a hand over Oikawa’s mouth. “What your Papa means to say is, papa. Can you say pa-pa?”  
Emiko looks between them and smiles. She opens her mouth and starts to babble. 

“Yep!” Iwaizumi says, full of genuine enthusiasm. “That’s it, you can do it, say pa-pa.” 

“Ra ra ra ra,” she babbles. 

“Hmm hmm, I like your spirit, keep it up!” 

Oikawa, still restrained by Iwaizumi’s hand, takes the opportunity to lick across his palm. 

“Ew, Oikawa! What the hell?” 

“Emi-chan! Forget papa, listen to me, dada dada dada,” Oikawa says, free at last.

“Ba ba ba ba,” she chants, clearly delighted by all the attention. “Ba ba. Sa sa. Ga ga.” 

The tension in the room is palpable; neither Oikawa nor Iwaizumi move a muscle. 

“Sa ga sa ga,” 

“Come on, papa,” Iwaizumi mock whispers just as Oikawa says “Emi-chan, dada.” 

“Su-ga,” she says. “Su-ga. Suga. Su-gaaa. Ba ba sa da.” 

Oikawa’s jaw drops.

“Di- did our baby just say Suga? As in Sugawara?” Iwaizumi says, dumbfounded. “Do surnames count as first words? Please tell me our baby’s first word isn’t Suga.” 

“Mr. Refreshing won again!” Oikawa whines. “This is an outrage, Emi-chan is our baby.” 

As the shock wears off, Iwaizumi throws his head back and starts laughing. “I can’t say I could have predicted this turn of events,” he says, wiping a tear from his eye. “I guess Emi-chan is the real winner. After all, we did give her an honorary middle name after him."

Oikawa pouts as he looks down at Emiko, who has lost interest in them in favor of her toes. 

“Look,” Iwaizumi says. “We were the only two witnesses. And after a long day of party throwing, we’re obviously very tired. We could very well be hallucinating this entire debacle. Let’s put Emiko to bed, maybe tomorrow we’ll get her first word, which I’m sure won’t be Sugawara. A man she’s met maybe three times in her entire existence.” 

“Huh,” Oikawa says. “I guess you’re right. I am pretty tired, we probably are hallucinating this whole thing. Let’s get Emi-chan to bed before they get worse.” 

Together they put their daughter to bed, and if Iwaizumi spends most of that time scheming how he’ll teach Emiko to say Papa tomorrow just for the pure joy Oikawa will surely radiate upon hearing it, well that’s Iwaizumi’s business and no one else's.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is what happens when you're at the allergist for four hours straight waiting to see if this particular round of allergens is going to make you keel over. Anyway, please enjoy the fruits of my suffering!
> 
> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)


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